laugh & smile

Even babies know...

2009-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

Even babies know...

AND

This is really outrageous

2009-01-28T19:40:00.000-08:00

Argentine teenager Pamela Villarruel poses with her seven children outside her parents' home in the town of Leones in Cordoba Province, northern Argentina, May 11, 2008. (Pics courtesy: AP)

Pamela, 17, bore all seven children in just three pregnancies, having her first boy in 2005 when she was 14 and the other six girls in two deliveries of triplets in the following two years.

Pamela and her children currently sleep in the living room of her mother Magdalena who supports them all by house cleaning.

The father of Pamela's first son abandoned them, the father of the first set of triplets was forced out of the house by the family for beating her, and Pamela refuses to identify the father of the more recent triplets.

Magdalena requested to have her daughter's fallopian tubes tied to avoid any further pregnancies, but was denied as Argentine law prohibits the procedure to be done on minors.

HRD Notice of a company to employees!

2009-01-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

Dear STAFF,

Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.

***********

1) TRANSPORTATION:

It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.

A) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

B) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.

C) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

***********

2) ANNUAL LEAVE :

Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year ( Wow! Said 1 employee).

- They are called SATURDAYs AND SUNDAYs.

***********

3) LUNCH BREAK:

A) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

B) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

C) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

***********

4) SICK DAYS:

We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.

- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

***********

5) SURGERY :

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.

- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.

- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

***********

6) INTERNET USAGE :

All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
Will be deducted from your salary.

- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 10MB connection.

Just for information, 73% of staff will not be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed somewhere else.

Best Regards,
HRD

I am Week !

2009-01-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

Cat Stand

2009-01-10T17:35:00.001-08:00

Bhai-logy Lesson Jokes

2009-01-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

Q: Why are there so many Sikh money changers in Singapore ?
A: Because they like to deal in Singh dollars.

Q: Why do Sikhs make good shopkeepers
A: Because when you enter their shop to buy
something, you are the buyer; which makes them the buyee.

Q: What do u call a Bhai who wants to make a U-turn?
A: Ke belakang-pu Singh

Q: What do you call a Bhai who drinks only beer?
A: Jasbir Singh

Q: What is the study of young bhais?
A: Microbhailogy.

Q: What was Mrs. Singh called when she posed for Playboy?
A: Bohcheng Kaur

Q: What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a
Cantonese criminal gang?
A: Tai Kaur

Q: Where to find a Bhai doctor?
A: At Tantock Singh Hospital , S'pore.

Q: What do you call a Bhai who comes to visit you every three days?
A: Sarjit Singh

Q: What do you call a Bhai who's lost?
A: Miss Singh

Q: What do you call a Bhai who lives between
Singapore and Kuantan?
A: Mer Singh

Q: What do you call a Bhai who's coming only tomorrow
A: Mahjit Singh

Q: What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?
A: Gin Singh!

Q: What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?
A: Balance Singh

Q: What is the official mode of transport for Bhais?
A: Bhaicycles

Q: What heart surgery procedure did Mr. Singh undergo?
A: A bhaipass.

Q: What do you call a Sikh who is covetous?
A: Gian Singh

Just Passing Through
A Sikh was on his way to Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The Owner comes out angrily shouting : Hey, do you
know you are trespassing?
Sikh answered : No, I'm Jaspar Singh

Unspoken Communication

2009-01-09T17:40:00.000-08:00

Letter to my Bank Manager

2009-01-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Sirs,

In view of current developments in the banking market, if one of my checks
is returned marked "insufficient funds", does that refer TO me or to you?

Regards

Your Worried Customer

Bosses

2009-01-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

begining.....Boss: Be good, you will be fine.

After a week...

Must Work Hard man

After a month...

Must Work Hard u know!

After a Quarter....

Can you hear me, you must work hard!!!

Funny Short Jokes Collection

2009-01-07T21:56:00.000-08:00

# What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
(Jon)

# What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser. (Tejas Chachcha)

# Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. (Scott)

# What is green and smells?
Hulk's fart.
(Azbar Kahleed)

# She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY." (M.P. Monaghan)

# I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat peple.

# Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

The Last Picture

2009-01-07T21:50:00.000-08:00

Oouucchh...

Waaaa....

Careful..

No!!!

Little Johny

2009-01-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

Children's Strange Thoughts on the Sea

2009-01-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an azzhole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

Management Stories

2009-01-06T04:36:00.000-08:00

Story # 1
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATE

Story # 2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd !"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

Pictures,,,,

2009-01-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

See?? hEhE...:)

New Year SMS & Prayers

2009-01-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

A Prayer For The New Year

New Year Good Wishes SMS

How to make a woman happy?

2009-01-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

How to make a woman happy?
It seems not so difficult! You should only be:

1) Father
2) Comrade
3) Lover
4) Brother
5) Friend
6) Owner
7) Teacher
8) Cook
9) Roofer
10) Sanitary engineer
11) Mechanic
12) Decorator
13) Stylist
14) Sexopatologist
15) Gynaecologist
16) Psychologist
17) Psychiatrist
18) Therapist
19) Bold
20) Organizer
21) Good Father
22) Cleanly
23) Friendly
27) Careful
28) Gallant
29) Intelligent
30) Educated
31) with a sense of humor
32) Inventive
33) sporty
34) Strong
35) Understandable
36) Acquiescent
37) Tolerant
38) Lenient
39) Cautious
40) Soft
41) Relaxed
42) Ambitious
43) Decided
44) Reliable
45) Infatuated
46) Polite
47) Very Good Father
48) .....
etc.

not forgetting this:

49) often to say compliments
50) love to engage in shopping
51) no scandals and not to look for problems
52) to be rich
53) do not irritate her
54) do not look at other girls

At the same time, you must:

55) be attentive to her
56) not be jealous
57) get along with her mother
58) find time for her,.. leaving the space for her, worrying about her...

VERY IMPORTANT:

59) Do! Not to forget the dates of:

-Birthday
-First rendezvous
-Betrothal
-Wedding

Unfortunately, even strictly observing all the rules, her happiness ... is not guaranteed, because she can stifle with perfectness of her partner and escape with the first one comes across:
rabble-alcoholic- philanderer

How to make a Man happy?
It seems unrealizable:

1) to cook for him
2) to sleep with him
3) to leave him alone

2008-12-31T16:32:00.001-08:00

Remember You Don't Stop Laughing Because You Grow Old,
You Grow Old Because You Stop Laughing